Saturday, July 25, 2009


Shravya stood still. People around her said “Everything is going to be fine”. Not a tear rolled down her eyes. She knew he had abandoned her, on the day that meant the most to her. She just told her mother “Take me away”. She left to a near by hill-station with her family. She stared at the picturesque landscapes contemplating about life. She never imagined a three year relationship to end this way. Those were the most beautiful three years of her life. When she got back home, lots of relatives visited them trying to console her parents. She realized that people would never let her forget what had just happened. It was then; she knew that she could no longer stay in India. She took the next flight back to New York City. After reaching her apartment, she bawled as loudly as she could. She was dull, gloomy and depressed. She knew she had to move on but found it extremely difficult. On Google, she searched for ways to get rid of depression. She read an article about hydrotherapy and decided to give it a try. Every morning she went for a swim. Her mind would just go blank in water and she loved that feeling. The moment she remembered her past she took a shower. She would cry and her tears got amalgamated with the drops from the shower; her wail got lost in the sounds of those water drops. It helped and she was sort of able to expunge those dreadful memories. Her boyfriend tried to reconcile. He apologized for developing cold feet on the day of the marriage. But Shravya knew she could never get back to him. She could no longer spend the rest of her life with a man whom she loved but could not trust. She deleted his emails without reading them and never picked up his calls. Her friend, Ajay asked her out for a date. Ajay was in a relationship for past seven years and he and his girlfriend were still going strong. He always told Shravya that he was ready to jeopardize his seven year relationship just for a night with her. Shravya had initially taken offence to this statement as she found it morally incorrect. But now, she chose to ignore those scruples and finally agreed to meet him. She got dressed in her best outfit and looked stunning. Ajay greeted her warmly and they decided to hit a nearby bar. After downing a couple of shots, Shravya felt light headed. She took notice of Ajay’s sexual advances and she did not try to evade them either. After downing a couple of more shots, they checked into a hotel. The moment they stepped into the room, Ajay pinned her to the closest wall and kissed her passionately. He satiated his lust and she lost her virginity. After an hour, Ajay was fast asleep and Shravya left quietly. It was the most miserable night of her life. She felt distressed about losing her virginity to a man whom she never loved. She felt dirty. She knew that Ajay would be honest to his girlfriend and never hide anything that happened that night. Somewhere the feeling slowly sunk that she was to blame for destroying a beautiful relationship. Her throat was dry because of the weird combination of drinks she had taken that night. She felt miserable. It was pouring heavily that night. She got completely drenched. There was water all around her, but none that she could drink. She stepped into the train. The train was relatively less crowded. She was weeping. The lady sitting next to her offered her water. In spite of the dry throat Shravya knew water would do no good. She stepped into the house and she still chose to let her throat remain dry. She sank in her bed and at the same time a feeling of emptiness sank inside her. She realized that a therapy would only help her forget incidents where someone else wronged her. She knew that she would never be able to redeem herself of the guilt of devastating a relationship especially for a night that she herself never desired!!


Anonymous said...


i know i'm a horse and i dont want to be a professionally trained donkey

i'm a tcs fresher and asked to report to ILP Ahmedabad on 29 th sep 2009

i'm confused about joining TCS after reading ur blog. i really dont want to be a "DONKEY" in the ISI of indian IT company.

shall i start working towards my dream career, advice me please

Anonymous said...

started with ur tcs post and then read all of them, u write good and u know it well
u know u can control emotions of the reader too ?(of emotional ones) :b

And most importantly u sound "intelligent"! something i am craving for (intelligence)

wud hav liked to know more about u but nevermind